


Alone

by Rillion



Series: Mindgames [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 14, Angelic Possession, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Archangel Dean Winchester, Archangels, Gen, Hurt, Michael!Dean, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Manipulation, One Shot Collection, Possession, Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Season/Series 14, Season/Series 14 Speculation, mindgames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 01:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14989919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rillion/pseuds/Rillion
Summary: Dark. Darkness. Left, right, below, above and beyond. And lonely. Oh, so very lonely.





	Alone

Dark. Darkness. Left, right, below, above and beyond. Everywhere. An everlasting blackness. No noise, no scream could break it. Believe me, he tried. Everything. All of it: Running, in hope there is an end to this, stamping, punching whatever solid thing there is under him, calling out on the bastard that trapped him, screaming so loud, his ears would be damaged, had he been in control of his body. However, he would not have to scream in the first place, had that been the case.  
The last thing Dean consciously remembers of what happened outside of this void was this unimaginable force taking over his body. Starting from the gut, it spread into his limbs, making them numb, till at last, it reached his mind. Then everything went black, and has stayed black ever since. Except if Michael wanted to play with him.   
How much time has passed since the start of the possession? A day? A week? A month? There is not one object in this void of big nothingness to keep track of time. Dean just lies there, most of the time. There on that one solid thing that existed and could be called “ground”. What else is there to do, except going for occasional walks out of routine?  
Nothing. It’s just a whole lot of nothing. He is alone. Completely alone. And that is the worst for him. Feeling helpless, feeling alone, without the slightest chance of change.  
A long scream echoes through the void as the Winchester sank to his knees.  
“Michael, you son of a bitch!”, he curses, balling his fist before it hits the ground. Of course, nothing happens. Screaming doesn’t work. It didn’t before, so why would it now?  
“This is the worst”, Dean whispers in defeat. He is tired. He is done. The silence is crushing him. It is endless; Feeding off every fibre of his being, draining him to the last bit.  
Loneliness, you know, is the worst Dean Winchester can feel. Loneliness he can’t bury, he can’t kill, he can’t fill. Being separated from the ones he loves is the one thing he can’t deal with.  
“Mom. Dad.”, he began to list, still cowering on the floor, “Jack, Bobby, Charlie, Cas.”  
He stops for one moment, pinching his eyes. He shakes his head lightly.  
“Sam.”  
Dean starts repeating. Out loud or in thoughts, it doesn’t matter. It is the only thing that keeps this blackness out of his head, the only thing that gives him strength. These names of people, which are important to him. But, for how long? This can’t last forever, can it?  
Eventually, he feels the ever so cold, crushing feeling again. It’s the same feeling Dean felt when Sam left to Stanford and John and him separated. That same feeling that bugged him for month, when there was only he and his car. The feeling he swore he never wanted to feel again under any circumstances. The feeling he feared. That exact feeling. Only worse. With no noise, no other human soul around, nothing to pass the time, or even keep track of it. Nothing in this seemingly endless entity of his own mind. Nothing but himself. And Dean can’t say he likes his own company.  
“When will this end?”  
He knows he won’t get an answer.

After another while, of which Dean has had countless since Michael has taken over his body, he starts wondering again, what said angel might be doing. What _he_ might be doing. Once more his imagination shows horrible things. He imagines how that angel bastard is hurting the people he loves, while wearing his face. He can’t stand the thought and, what’s even worse, he is helpless. Completely helpless. It scares the hell out of him.  
All of that. All of that grief, because of one deal gone wrong. All of that trouble caused by a decision that wasn’t his to make, because, for him, there never was a second option.  
“I’m sorry Mom. I’m sorry.”, Dean says, voice full of sorrow. “I’m sorry that you’ve lost one of your sons after all.”  
“I’m sorry Jack.”, he says, “I’m sorry that it took so long for me to accept you.”  
“I’m sorry Cas.”, he says, “Sorry that you had to witness my defeat. I’m sorry you’re most likely blaming yourself for it.”  
“I’m sorry Sam,”, he says, “for all the weight I probably put on you with that stupid decision, that your luck, your win was ruined by it once again.”  
Dean wipes away the tear that threatened to fall from his eye.  
“But I had no other choice.”, he adds.  
The Winchester folds his hands and looks above, pleading. No, he has never been the praying type, but at this moment, he doesn’t know what else to do. Well, you couldn’t exactly call it praying. It was more like a hopeful call. A hopeful call to his loved ones, not knowing if it will do any good while being trapped by an angel.  
Thoughtful, he shakes his head.  
“I just hope you all find that bastard and kill him.” His expression changes. Eyebrows furrowing, he looks up in anger. “I know you can.”  
Then, finally, after what could have been years of staring into nothing, his eyes finally focus.  
“And don’t stop because of me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I changed this to be last fifth instead of the first part of the series, because of the following final part you may or may not want to read.  
> I guess that’s kind of the end of this series to those who didn’t read these One Shots as successive events. I didn’t in the beginning, but then I started liking the idea so.... I’m probably gonna upload one more One Shot and then it’s time for Season 14!


End file.
